The Importance of Emotional Intelligence in Leadership: Skills Every Leader Needs

We’ve seen this story play out all too often in business. We have a great technical expert and we feel like we need to grow and develop them, so what do we do? We promote them into a Leadership capacity and pray that it works. As Marshall Goldsmith suggests in his seminal work “What got you here won’t get you there”, the skills that made you so successful as an individual contributor aren’t the same as the ones necessary to make you a great leader. One of my favourite leadership quotes come from Theodore Rosevelt who said “people don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care” which implies that a key component of successful leadership is how a leader makes people feel. And that’s where emotional intelligence comes in.

For many the person who popularized Emotional intelligence (EI) into mainstream business is Daniel Goleman. As such we choose to use his definition of EI which is “you ability to recognize emotions in yourself and others, and your ability to use this awareness to manage behaviour and relationship. It helps you respond—not just react—especially in challenging situations. For leaders, it’s the difference between creating a high-trust team culture or one filled with tension and miscommunication.

After almost 25-years at this one reality I’ve come to is, leading people is complicated. Your team isn’t just a group of job titles. They’re individuals with different personalities, emotions, motivators, and stress triggers. Leaders who don’t learn to tune in emotionally often find themselves frustrated by misunderstandings, recurring conflict, or poor morale. In fact, in a recent survey we conducted with some of our clients we determined that emotional outburst/drama, and the feeling that I gave clear expectations but didn’t get the expected results, were 2 of the top 3 challenges leaders face today. Emotionally intelligent leaders build stronger relationships, communicate with clarity, and ultimately get better results, mitigating both of those challenges.

At the Executive Coach Network we choose to use a robust EI tool called the EQi 2.0. In that there are 15 EI competencies. For purposes of this article I’m not going to go into all 15, rather the 5 that are most commonly spoken about.

1. Self-Awareness
Before you can manage others, you need to know yourself. That includes understanding what triggers your stress, how your mood impacts others, and how you show up—especially on tough days. A self-aware leader doesn’t pretend to be perfect. They’re honest about their strengths and growth areas, which builds trust and it matters to them how thy show up in the eyes of others.

2. Empathy
We like to differentiate between empathy and sympathy and what that means for leaders. Empathy is being able to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. It’s not about fixing their problems—it’s about recognizing what they’re experiencing. When leaders show empathy, it tells team members they’re seen, heard, and valued. Most importantly this still allows you to hold team members accountable. When we move to sympathy from a leader perspective we often feel sorry for others and this generally inhibits our ability to hold team members accountable.

3. Self-Regulation
We all have emotional reactions—it’s human. The key is what we do with them. Leaders with strong EI don’t let frustration leak into their tone or body language. They pause before responding. They stay composed, especially under pressure. Ultimately the likelihood of sending that email or doing/saying that thing you instantly regret is limited when we can control our impulses. Controlling your breath when you feel triggered is one of your best allies against becoming impulsive. The science behind this tells your brain that everything is ok which reduces the trigger much more quickly.

4. Social Skills
This isn’t about being outgoing—it’s about knowing how to build and maintain healthy, mutually beneficial, relationships. It is intentional that I use the words “mutually beneficial”. This implies that the relationship goes both ways and implies that, as a leader, we need to humanize ourselves and let people in to our lives as much as we’re asking them to let us into theirs. Strong social skills help leaders navigate conflict, hold tough conversations, and motivate others without micromanaging.

5. Assertiveness
Assertiveness was taught to me this way 15 years ago and it’s the best way I’ve ever heard it described so I’ll share it with you. To be assertive there are two constants required. I need to be open to sharing my thought and opinions with you and be open to letting you do the same. Constant 1. You need to be open and willing to do the same. Constant 2. Watch what happens when either of these are removed. I stop listening to you, stop caring about your opinions. That’s only about me. That my friends is aggressive. Conversely I stop bringing my thoughts and opinions forward and change my level of participation in the conversation. That my friends is passive. You’ve heard these before. As leaders we want you to be assertive, but not aggressive or passive. When we do, we make ourselves more approachable—and credible.

Why It Matters More Than Ever

Today’s teams expect more than just direction—they want leaders who understand people. Emotional intelligence helps you motivate without pressure, address conflict without blame, and create a space where people feel safe to speak up.

And here’s the good news: EI isn’t fixed. It’s something you can build with awareness, practice, and the right tools. Whether through coaching, feedback, or leadership development programs, working on your emotional intelligence isn’t a soft skill—it’s a success strategy.

Action Items

1. Pause Before You React: In your next challenging conversation, take a breath before responding. Notice how it changes the outcome.

2. Ask for Feedback: Invite a trusted colleague to share how your emotions impact your leadership—especially during stress.

3. Practice Active Listening: Give your full attention in your next one-on-one. Resist the urge to interrupt or problem-solve too quickly.

Summary of Key Takeaways

• Emotional intelligence is essential for leaders to connect with their teams and build trust.

• Core EI skills include self-awareness, empathy, self-regulation, social skills, and assertiveness.

• Emotionally intelligent leadership improves communication, reduces conflict, and drives performance.

• EI can be developed with intentional practice, feedback, and support.

• Leading with EI isn’t about being perfect—it’s about being present, respectful, and responsive.